Zooey Deschanel:	Is that rain?
Siri:	What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel:	Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri:	...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel:	Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri:	Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel:	Remind me to clean up.
Siri:	Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel:	Tomorrow.
Siri:	I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel:	Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri:	I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel:	Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri:	I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel:	*dances*
Siri:	Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.

John Green's tumblr: sonder →

When I try to join a serious conversation